god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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