bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
