I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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