did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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