I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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