I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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