I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
