Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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