he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm bleeding and have questions
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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