Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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