you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
