Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
