why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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