I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
