I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
