So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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