Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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