the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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