is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
