so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
