i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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