I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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