So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
