thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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