this beer tastes like vomit already
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
