so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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