I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
