it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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