mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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