I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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