1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Farmville is her only friend.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
