How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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