Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
