You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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