things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
