I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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