I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm getting married
To pizza
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
