guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
