my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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