apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We left the knife in your bed.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
