we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
