he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
