She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The uberlube is also flammable
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
