she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
