I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
