i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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