i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
