Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
