If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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