Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
