My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
