it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
