i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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