I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
