Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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