i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
