There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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