ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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