Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
