would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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