I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
