You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
