he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
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Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
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Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.