Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him

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  (617): OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him http://tfl.nu/b4mt
  Replies (11) Good night (986) Bad night (1030)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.

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  (301): Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/igis
  Replies (6) Good night (1549) Bad night (571)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.

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  (303): You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you. http://tfl.nu/620d
  Replies (20) Good night (5829) Bad night (1156)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..

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  (613): You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon.. http://tfl.nu/gnh9
  Replies (16) Good night (834) Bad night (5291)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar

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  (571): Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar http://tfl.nu/34wt
  Replies (6) Good night (4686) Bad night (1511)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.

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  (808): Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face. http://tfl.nu/bml8
  Replies (8) Good night (1121) Bad night (3327)
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  (980): View more from North Carolina

  Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"

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  (980): Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened" http://tfl.nu/41rs
  Replies (12) Good night (3363) Bad night (1054)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.

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  (978): we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on. http://tfl.nu/cjzk
  Replies (4) Good night (3473) Bad night (842)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  we should probably just go check in at the police station right now

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  (814): we should probably just go check in at the police station right now http://tfl.nu/dhxr
  Replies (8) Good night (1599) Bad night (789)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.

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  (954): Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice. http://tfl.nu/h7nm
  Replies (0) Good night (605) Bad night (328)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.

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  (503): Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY. http://tfl.nu/gw0u
  Replies (3) Good night (688) Bad night (344)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?

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  (850): Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'? http://tfl.nu/7fyz
  Replies (1) Good night (436) Bad night (521)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys

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  (612): I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys http://tfl.nu/2gbb
  Replies (4) Good night (794) Bad night (321)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out

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  (540): He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out http://tfl.nu/wv7u
  Replies (1) Good night (545) Bad night (263)
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  (925): View more from California

  He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"

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  (925): He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram" http://tfl.nu/fw0k
  Replies (3) Good night (170) Bad night (384)

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