were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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