Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?