i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
