I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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