OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
