This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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