i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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