We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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