One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you will always have a special place in my vag
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
