I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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