Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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