I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
