omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Will exercising make me less horny?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
