Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
