It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
