i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
