I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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