Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize